TALKING TO OURSELF

TALKING TO OURSELF

I would imagine that most of you out there think that I am writing to you.  Not “you” in particular (although some reactions would seem that way) but the collective “you”.   You think that I am writing messages that you need or desire or maybe like to hear.  Or don’t like to hear, but still, the message is that I am writing to you.  I am not.  I am writing to myself.  It is how it always works.

This is a follow up to the choice paper I recently did, where I pointed out that you are always doing what you want to do, and now I am saying that you are always “talking/writing to your self’.  But you can only see this if you slow your mind down and watch the process.  Just like in the choice paper.  Hope that I at least have your curiosity.

When we talk/write to someone else, which is our clear intention, we can only do that partially.   If you observe closely when you do that,  you will see that you  make up some message in your head, based on your meanings, based on your choice of words, based on whatever logical or emotional context, and based on some historical context with the other.   That is all your construction, and it always makes some kind of sense to you.  So you put your choice of words out there (like this) and we always somewhat assume, that the other will somehow place the same meaning and intention and context on what we have transmitted.   Rarely happens that way.

For it to happen exactly, would mean that you and the other share the same meaning making mechanism, the same contextual understanding, and the same overall intention of the message.  In other words, they would have to be you.  Hmmm, I doubt that that happens very often, if at all.

And when we are spoken to, the same thing happens in reverse.  They have some kind of intention, with their context and their meaning making and choice of words to express that.  So they say something into the air.  You hear that, not as they mean it, but as you interpret it, based on your meaning making with those words, your context, and your understanding of their intention and any other meaning based on your relationship with that other.   It is just how it works.  If you do not agree, then just slow down your mental processes and observe.  You will be amazed that we ever convey anything to another.

Of course, when we are talking about very simple things like, “hand me a beer” or “shut up and let me watch the game” or “pick up your clothes”, then the context, meaning and intention are pretty clear.  But, move beyond that level of simply physical action and all this will come into play.   This is why so many problems, that some people say “you just need to talk about it” have pretty dismal outcomes.  It is not that easy to convey what we mean when we are mostly talking to our self.   But, if both parties understand this, then the process slows and we explore the various meanings, contexts, and intentions.

Hopefully, (if I have conveyed this clearly) you are hitting your head and saying “wow, that is the problem we have”.    It is a function of each of us being conditioned with all kinds of meanings to words, intentions, assumptions, contexts, and other ways we make sense to our self, but seldom to another.  Even when you think that was really clear, you will always be surprised, at least a little bit, by how much you missed when you think you are talking/writing to another and realize that I am just talking to myself. Tlane 1/3/12  happy new year

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